I have been struggling with anxiety for more than two years.
At first it manifested in small ways and I would ignore it.
Until one day when I was on the road going home from a meeting with my supervisor. I could not breathe, my body locked, my mind stopped working, my hands could not function, and I was sweating profusely.
I parked on the side of the road and just sat in the car next to the highway. I prayed that someone would offer me help but no one did.
I finally called two of my friends and all I could do was just cry. One offered to come fetch me, but the challenge was getting my car home. The other friend prayed with me.
What was supposed to have been a two and half hour trip turned into an eight hour trip.
I had to wait for traffic hour to slow down. I then drove on the side of the road with my warning lights on. When the panic attacks became worse, I stopped the car.
This panic attack did not make sense.
I ended up going to a Doctor who suggested putting me on antidepressants and medicine to calm me down. For myself, I didn’t want to be on any pills so I took the pills but never used them.
A year passed and nothing got better. Instead, I felt I was losing my mind.
The panic attacks only came when I drove. I had to ask people to accompany me on trips and this cost me money as I had to pay them for their time. Whenever I drove a car, it felt like I was going to cause an accident. My mind would say, “my car is going to roll, and I’m going to kill people.” I saw myself as a danger to others on the road.
One day, I drove to church and on my way back home, I could not drive. So I went back to church and asked if someone would please drive me home. All I could think was, “Lord, this is so embarrassing.” People felt sorry for me and I felt exposed.
I must admit that I had not expected to find help through the Word of God. Because of past experience, I was sure that no one who believed in Jesus would help me, even though I myself identified as Christian.
I instead searched on YouTube for videos on how to deal with anxiety. And one day I came across a video where Doreen Virtue was talking to Mark Baker. I thought to myself I need to get in touch with Mark. I searched for his organization and wrote him an e-mail.
To tell you the truth, I didn’t think he would reply. When he did, I was shocked but so grateful. Through e-mail, we talked and agreed on a time to meet.
Mark was friendly but from the word go it became apparent that he was rooted in Jesus Christ and His Word and that this would not be like other sessions I was used to. He asked about me and I shared my life story. All his responses to me were based on the Bible. His views were supported through the Bible.
He also shared a book titled Overcoming Anxiety: How To Replace Fear With Peace. I got homework after each counseling session, and most of the time I had to read the book and apply it to me.
In the beginning I struggled with the fact that God had designed us to experience unwanted feelings (like anxieties) as a way to communicate with us, teach us, and help us. I thought the world and everybody in it was responsible for my anxieties. I blamed everyone rather than looking at myself.
The book forced me to examine my heart and my personal relationship with God. I discovered that I had been feeding an old friendship. That I didn’t know anymore if I was born again, I didn’t know Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit. I was lost.
I had to start from the beginning and I have learned the following:
1) God had created all our feelings, even the bad ones.
2) Learn how to deal with my feelings unlike before when I used to bury them.
3) That for me anxiety and panic attacks were a wake up call and God used them to draw me back to Him.
4) Learn to stop blaming others but to examine myself. This part I disliked because I hated what I saw that I was responsible for causing the anxiety and panic attacks.
I also learned that there are contributing factors which were causing my anxiety, and that it is important to identify them so that by growing and overcoming in these areas I could overcome my anxiety. For me they were:
1) Fear of man.
2) Lack of trust in God.
3) Wrong focus.
4) Personal Sin.
5) Old Covenant mindset.
6) Ability to receive forgiveness from God for myself.
I am not there yet but I am so excited. This past week I have been able to drive more than 20 Km. For the first 5 Km, I was anxious and my mind played tricks on me. But an amazing thing happened during the last 15 Km – I had no anxiety or panic. I must admit that I looked for the signs. But nothing. For the first time in a long time, I enjoyed driving again.
I have also started learning to play guitar again. I took out my bicycle out of storage. But most importantly, I am hungry and eager to read the word of God. I feel alive once again.
My prayer going forward is for me not to get too busy for God again, because without me under his wings, I fall apart.
I take this opportunity to thank God for Mark and his family. I pray that God will strengthen, protect them, and give Mark and his team wisdom to help more people. Most of all, I pray that God keeps Mark and his team hungry for God.
Thankfully, R.M. (South Africa)
Grateful
We are so grateful to God for allowing us to hear and share testimonies like this one, giving witness to how He is working in people’s lives here in our local community and all around the world through the life-changing truth of His Word and the ministry of Hope For Life.
As this year draws to a close, and a new one begins, we want to express our deep gratitude for each of you who continue to uphold this ministry in prayer and faithfully walk alongside us. In addition to no-cost counseling and equipping the Church locally and globally, Hope For Life gives away thousands of dollars in free materials each year. All of your support goes directly into blessing and building up the body of Christ and reaching those who do not yet know the grace and truth to be found in Jesus Christ.
If you’d like to give a year-end gift to the ministry, you can do that online here or through regular mail here.
Thank you for partnering with us in this vital ministry as we hold out His Word of Life to those in need. We praise the Lord for you!
If you’d like to share a story of how God has used Hope For Life to bless you, we’d absolutely love to hear it. You can get in touch with us here.
You can find our booklet Overcoming Anxiety: How To Replace Fear With Peace in both e-book and printed format at our Hope For Life Shop, along with many other biblical equipping resources.
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