THE END OF OUR MARRIAGE?
After several years of unhealthy communication, harmful coping, growing resentment and hopelessness, and so much more, our marriage seemed to be over. Pop-psychology and some religious leaders affirmed that it likely was over, that too much damage had been done.
At the same time we were continuously told to “trust the process” and “give it time”—and that involuntary separation from each other without guidance could be healthy, even in parental alienation with our children. We were told that since we had inflicted emotional damage for so many years, it was going to take years of separation, processing, and therapy to be able to reconcile, if that was even possible.
Religious people, some of whom were well-intended, rather than equipping us or empowering truthful biblical reconciliation, enabled dysfunction instead. Some even went so far as to recommend that the primary focus should be a reliance on our feelings, and that she should do whatever she felt was best. In our marital crisis, she was told she deserved better, that until he changed enough, she was right to abandon the marriage and focus on self-seeking happiness.
HEADED FOR DIVORCE
Sadly, through pastors, church leadership, and Christian therapists, no one even spoke of what biblical reconciliation was. Though it was mentioned by name several times, they didn’t bring us to scriptural truth to define what the principles or steps were to actually reconcile with each other. Again, we were just told to trust the process, whatever that actually was.
So, instead of giving hope—particularly by directing us to the countless solutions in God’s Word—the hopelessness of their approach naturally drove her further into depression, compounding the despair of postpartum depression.
In this, she was advised to focus on her feelings, which ultimately drove her away from her husband, and further away from the remedies in God’s Word. As a result, we were hopelessly trapped in anxiety, chaos, confusion, and fear, rapidly heading for divorce.
A LAST DITCH EFFORT
Thankfully, some friends and a former pastor from our previous church recommended a marriage counselor who stood out from the rest, with a different approach that was said to be practical and biblical. Reluctant to try yet another counselor, one last-ditch effort was made – in spite of the certainty that this was going to be just a waste of time and effort. This idea was largely reinforced by the influence of a network of people who, although well-intended, were not objectively seeking biblical truth, or practically applying God’s Word to our situation.
However, It was amazing to see how quickly after beginning to work through Mark’s short book on Forgiveness, our understanding changed. In particular, her perception of other people, her own influencing network, and her marriage, experienced a paradigm shift. She now viewed her husband in a way that she had never before realized. Once we were presented with the real and practical approach to what biblical forgiveness is, and what it is not—and how we can rebuild trust through grace, truth, and repentance—we were brought to a decision point where we could either choose a path resulting in ongoing damage and chaos, or God’s design for reconciling and healing us.
BIBLICAL RECONCILIATION
We both discovered how simple, practical, and helpful the first step towards biblical reconciliation really is. We quickly realized that God-honoring reconciliation wasn’t a lofty goal or nebulous process to be arbitrated, that we just might broach given enough time passing by. After only a few meetings we both had a desire to continue on in pursuit of this counseling which was encouraging us toward the correct ways of dealing with our problems in a biblical way.
Hope for Life’s approach did not merely tell us how to fix our marriage. Instead, we were strengthened and equipped with the right tools and a correct view of Scripture, both of which are necessary to walk through forgiveness in a way we previously did not believe was possible. As a result, we experienced God’s peace instead of the despair that always comes from the world’s wisdom. In all this, we quickly experienced the accuracy of the biblical way to reconcile that was explained to us:
Reconciliation is realized when we have transformed a damaged or
broken relationship into a right and harmonious relationship—to the
satisfaction of both sides, and all according to Scripture.
REFRESHINGLY DIFFERENT
After attempting to work through several different pastors, licensed counselors, and therapists, suffering the consequences of worldly counsel masquerading as being scripturally sound, we found Hope for Life’s approach to be refreshingly different. There is no proprietary formula, but by trusting God’s Word of truth instead of a nebulous process, we have seen God transform our hearts, and our marriage. We experienced joy and we were finally and rightfully hopeful. Our experience with Hope for Life’s counseling did not merely avoid or prolong a divorce, as other counseling often does. Instead, by His grace, and His Word of truth, we now have a God-honoring marriage that is thriving.
THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE
This story is just one of many we have been blessed to witness. It is a wonderful testimony to the fact that people really can change, and relationships are truly able to be redeemed and reconciled. There is always hope! Jesus, through His grace and His Word can transform and reconcile anyone.
In the past 22 years, thousands of people have received Biblical Counseling through the ministry of Hope For Life, on a donation-only basis. Hundreds of marriages have been given new life and hope by applying the principles found in God’s incomparable Word. People all over the world are able to access our free articles and other equipping materials via our website.
We continue to thank the Lord for the privilege of sharing the hope of His Word in a darkening world. We are so very grateful for your faithful prayers, encouragement, and support.
Thank you!
HOPE FOR LIFE MINISTRY
Hope For Life Biblical Counseling & Equipping is a non-profit ministry based in the Central Valley of California. We have always been fully committed to providing biblical counseling at no cost to anyone in need, along with classes, books, and other equipping resources for the local community and the worldwide body of Christ as a whole.
In addition to being a full-time counselor for well over two decades, Mark Baker actively develops and teaches courses on a wide range of subjects, including forgiveness, conflict, marriage & relationships, biblical counseling, and discernment. Emily, Mark’s wife, handles the administrative and artistic side of the ministry, while holding down the fort at home.
Because we truly believe that “everything that was written in the past was written to teach us so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures, we might have hope,” we are passionate about sharing that Word every chance we get —whether through counseling, teaching, writing, or art.
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