Reasoning With The Unreasonable

“Come now, and let us reason together,” says the Lord. [ Isaiah 1:18 ]

Have you noticed how increasingly difficult it has become to have a reasonable and reasoned discussion with others, at least with certain individuals? Do you have people in your life with whom it is essentially impossible to have a respectful and objective conversation (especially about religion and politics)? Have you lost friends, either by having to cut them off, or by being cut off yourself? Are there some people who now hate you, or treat you hatefully, simply for what you believe?

Yes, this is a problem that has always existed, but it has worsened greatly in the past five to ten years, even among Christians. So, what are we to do? How should we, especially those of us who claim Christ, handle such a challenging conundrum? While we will do our best to address all of the above here, our goals and the solutions will center on truth, discernment, objectivity, God and His Word, love based on truth, and, overall, our ability to reason, and be reasonable.

REASON (verb): To think or argue in a logical manner. To form conclusions, judgments, or inferences from facts or premises.
REASONABLE: Having the faculty of reason; imbued with reason; rational. Just; fair; agreeable to reason. Not excessive or immoderate; within due limits; proper.

How well do these two definitions apply to you? How well do they fit into your conversations, especially with those who “oppose” you (2 Tim 2:25-26)?

As you know, life is filled with conflict. Therefore, so much of our life is determined by how we handle conflict. When there is a clash or disagreement, or when a problem or concern is addressed, then, ideally, we would love God and others according to truth by doing the following.

Objectively Seeking the truth in love, according to objective standards and sources, and doing so in order to discern truth from error, as well as to learn, understand, and reason with each other
Objectively Speaking the truth in love (while continuing to objectively seek the truth in love)
Agreeing on the truth (ideally), and then proceeding from there, or …
Respectfully disagreeing (when we cannot agree), but only after objectively and lovingly pursuing the truth with an objective standard by which to determine truth
Growing in maturity, in our relationship with God and others, and in a deeper understanding of truth, God, His Word, and truth-based love (it is worth noting that we can always do all of these no matter how the other person responds)
Entrusting the outcome and the people involved to God

[Ps 19:14; Prov 15:1; 28; 18:13, 15, 17; Eph 4:15, 29; 2 Tim 2:22-26; 1 Pet 3:15]

Reasoning Together & Reasons Not To Be Together

There are many blessings to be found when we can simply “reason together,” even if we do not agree (Prov 27:17).

Sadly, the polar opposite of this is happening more and more today. We are now at a low point in our society, perhaps the lowest in our history, where things are so destructive that we must make decisive changes in how and with whom we communicate.

While the internet, social media, and the media is the primary collective den of destructive discussion, it also happens in face-to-face meetings as well. And often, it takes just one or two interactions before the dialogue turns south. Shaming, snarky-ness, and name-calling are sure to follow. From there it just gets worse and worse.

Why is that? What can we do about it?

While there is a great deal we could write on this topic, we will limit our focus and answer in this space. And we’ll start by offering the simplest solution there is:

Stop engaging with those who bring harm and toxicity into our conversations

(e.g., personal attacks; shaming-over-reasoning; false accusations; shouting others down; tearing others down; ongoing patterns of unreasonableness).

Consider this clear admonishment from Scripture.

Cast out the scoffer, and contention will leave;
Yes, strife and reproach will cease.
[ Proverbs 22:10 ]

What is more, we are instructed, warned, and even commanded by God Himself to not talk to these individuals:

Do not speak to fools,
for they will scorn your prudent words.
[ Proverbs 23:9 ]

Do not give what is holy to the dogs;
nor cast your pearls before swine,
lest they trample them under their feet,
and turn and tear you in pieces.
[ Matthew 7:6 ]

This is likely to be counter-intuitive, but there are times when it is wise, biblical, loving, necessary, and obedient to God to cut off dialogue with venomous, obstinate individuals. While this may sound extreme or a little haughty, the reality is that those who choose to be so hostile, destructive, unreasonable, defiant, and unrepentant have forfeited the right to talk with us about serious matters.

To be clear, this troubling communication conundrum does not include anyone and everyone with whom we strongly disagree, or those who ask challenging questions or point out actual errors and problems. In fact, we have responsibility to lovingly talk to these individuals. The concern here is less about what is communicated (although that is very important) and far more about how it is said, and how it is received (mockery; scoffing; belittling; false accusations; blame-shifting/redirecting; disrespect; twisting words; ad hominem attacks; abuse; lack of concern for truth and accuracy, etc.).

God gives us some examples of this in the Bible, and He tells us why we should not correct certain people:

He who corrects a scoffer gets shame for himself,
And he who rebukes a wicked man only harms himself.
Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you;
Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you.
[ Proverbs 9:7-9 ]

Of course, it goes without saying that we should never expect perfection from others. And we should give grace and have reasonable expectations. However, we must also draw the line when it comes to harmful and abusive dialogue, with those who are not truly interested in the truth.

Where is that line? What specifically helps us establish the demarcation between acceptable and unacceptable communication and people? Here are several attributes—thirty in all—to help us discern “good and evil,” and the reasonable from the unreasonable.

But solid food belongs to those who are of full age,
that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised
to discern both good and evil.
[ Hebrews 5:14 ]

30 SIGNS OF UNREASONABLENESS

Individuals and characteristics to be aware of and avoid, as needed.

Obstinate: Those who essentially have no desire to receive correction, or to conform to the truths they do not like. These people are often beyond stubborn; therefore, no matter how much truth, reason, logic, or facts given, they will not admit when they are in error, or when you are right (cp. Jer 7:22-28; Prov 12:1; 15:31-32; 29:1). In fact, these individuals, when corrected, often double-down on their error and harmful ways. *Note: “Half-apologies” and disingenuous confessions often make things even worse.
Agitators: Those whose main goal and fruit is creating conflict and stirring up strife (Prov 6:16-19; 21:24; 22:10; Rom 16:17-18; Ti 3:9-11; cp. 2 Tim 2:22-23).
Unreasonable: Those who have great difficulty in simply being reasonable with others (Is 1:18; Ti 3:9-11; 1 Pet 3:15).
Enablers: Those who convince themselves that their compassion alone makes them right and loving. Therefore, in their minds, because they have good intentions and care so much, anyone who thinks differently must be wrong, if not evil. As a result, no matter how much they are in error, and how much evidence and truth is presented to them, they refuse to listen—and they will often attack and falsely condemn those who challenge their erroneous, unloving, and harmful ways. Overall, Enablers “enable” destruction to occur, while trying to destroy those who seek to stop this destruction. [Compassion – Discernment = Counterfeit Love = Deception + Destruction]
Pseudo-Reasoners: Those who claim to reason with others—and may believe they themselves are living by reason and logic—but are not. This is often revealed in their responses, and in their stubbornness and resistance when it comes to admitting error, wrongdoing, or that others are correct (cp. Prov 14:6; 15:12; Acts 17:16ff). [See Obstinate]
Ad-Hominem Attacks: Those who often personally attack others (e.g., name-calling; belittling; snarky-ness; insults; being mean-spirited; subtle and overt hostility; etc.), especially when they cannot engage in facts and reasonable dialogue (cp. 2 Sam 16:5-14; 1 Kgs 18:17; Jer 18:18; Acts 6:11ff; 7:54-60).
Mockers: Those who practice and rely on mocking others and their beliefs (Prov 9:7-8; 13:1; Neh 4:1ff; Jude 1:18). In great irony, a dependence on mockery often blinds a mocker to how worthy of ridicule his own beliefs are.
Ascribing Motives: Those who frequently assign motives to others (e.g., “They’re just doing this to make money.” “They’re just jealous.”), especially when they do so falsely, and when they have no idea what is going on in someone else’s mind. [Note: To be clear, it is not always wrong to discuss motives.]
False Accusers: Those who often make false accusations against others, which is not only a serious sin (slander), it is very harmful (e.g., Ex 23:1; Deut 19:15-21; Ps 27:12; Prov 25:18).
False Summary Judgments: Those who practice quickly condemning others and dismissing them and their beliefs through a rash, non-discerning, and false judgment—and usually with an overused term (e.g., “You’re just ______!” … a Pharisee; bigot; conspiracy theorist; racist; hater; anti-science). False Summary Judgments are often relied upon in order to avoid addressing the real problems.
Unrepentant: Those who rarely, if ever, admit their sin or wrongdoing—and make actual heart changes in response—especially when it comes to false accusations (e.g., False Summary Judgments), personal attacks, and lack of discernment (cp. 1 Jn 1:5-10; Prov 28:13; Jn 3:19-21).
Shamers: Those who frequently scoff at and shame others for their beliefs (Neh 4:1ff; Prov 21:24; 2 Pet 3:3-4). Rather than relying on reason, truth, and truth-based love to motivate others—they rely on shaming them instead. [Note: Shamers were likely shamed into their current erroneous ways and beliefs. Therefore, they do the same to others, rather than reasoning with them.]
Monologuers: Those who do not let you talk or express your views. In other words, rather than truly and objectively listening (e.g., Prov 18:13, 15, 17), their time and energy is poured into dominating the conversation (e.g., talking over you; interrupting; shouting you down).
Coercers: Those who try to pressure, bully, shame, intimidate, and force others into silence, or to believe a certain way, and into a Totalitarian Echo-Chamber—where only one view is allowed, objectivity and correction are not allowed, and all other views are stringently mocked and attacked (cp. Acts 7:54ff).
Winning-Over-Truth: Those who are far more intent on winning an argument rather than truly discovering the truth (cp. Is 1:18; Acts 15).
Shifting-Standards: Those who do not have, or do not want an unchanging, objective standard and authority by which to determine truth from error, right from wrong, loving from unloving (Matt 4:1ff; Acts 17:11). These individuals also tend to “move the goalposts” when their argument is addressed and resolved. They also frequently change the meanings of words, and tell others which words they can and cannot use (cp. Eph 4:14; Jer 5:30-31).
Selective-Science: Those who selectively claim “science” and “facts” (e.g., “science is on my side”). In other words, they only affirm science that might support their view, yet reject any facts, research, or science that contradicts their beliefs (cp. 1 Tim 6:20-21; 2 Tim 4:3-4). They tend to be un-objective and skew facts, while claiming to be objective and adhering to the facts.
Selective Justice-Warriors: Those who—when it fits their agenda and favors only themselves—selectively demand justice (often erroneously, often based on bias and subjectivity), and who ignore, minimize, or deny real injustice when it does not fit their agenda or undercuts and defeats their worldview.
Faulty-Science: Those who praise science and claim to be on the side of science (as if others are not), but have a distorted and false understanding of science and the accuracy therein [e.g., they believe science = truth (the pure, objective pursuit of truth, no matter what), or that a scientist = a fully objective individual not swayed by biases, politics, money, power, selfish ambition, the fear of man, etc.].
Freedom-Deniers: Those who are so convinced their way is right that they have the goal and desire to take freedoms away from others, particularly the freedom of speech. Some might admit this, yet many will deny this. Others will insist they want freedom, but their words and actions say otherwise (2 Pet 2:19). [Note: There is a growing number of people who heavily rely on two main tactics: to personally attack those who disagree, and to censor and “cancel” those who disagree.]
Inverted Reality: Those who are so far from the truth that they have ideas and beliefs that are upside-down from reality (e.g., love is hate, hate is love; sin is not bad, it is bad to warn of sin; Is 5:20; Mal 2:17; Gal 4:16).
Subjective-Saturated: Those with a persistent pattern of not being objective, mainly due to their heavy dependence on subjectivity (e.g., feelings; man’s wisdom; mysticism; experiences; biased sources). [Note: An objective-based individual will find it exceedingly difficult to communicate with and come to an agreement with a Subjective-Saturated person.]
Groupthink: Those who are not really thinking for themselves, but are merely parroting what others have told them. They have been taught what to think, and not how to think.
World-Approved Christians: Those who have likely corrupted their own faith, often by compromising the principles and truth of Scripture, and conforming to the world’s ways. These people claim Christ, yet have beliefs that are hard to distinguish from the desires and beliefs of the world (“the world” = those who have rejected and often hate God, His Word, His ways, and His true followers), and who have world-appeasing patterns (e.g., enabling sin, error, and other harmful things; cp. Jas 1:27; 3:15; 4:4; Ps 1; 1 Jn 2:15-17; 4:5-6; Rom 12:2; 2 Tim 4:10).
Learning Over Truth: Those who are more interested in knowledge, and telling others about their knowledge, and not so much about acknowledging and conforming to the truth (2 Tim 3:7; cp Jn 17:17), nor applying the truth to real life (e.g., theories over reality).
Gnat-Strainers: Those who, as Jesus said, strain at a gnat while swallowing a camel (Matt 23:34). In other words, they invest a lot of time and energy into smaller issues, which may or may not have value, while avoiding what is far more important and valuable.
(In)justice Warriors: Those who are zealous for one or more causes, yet are in error. Therefore, they often fight against the “good guys,” and protect and empower the “bad guys” (Acts 8:1-3; cp. Prov 17:15). As a result, they create ongoing injustices in the name of justice (cp. Rom 10:2; Prov 19:2; Gal 1:13). This deception and inverted reality are mainly due to: lack of objectivity; being led by emotion; following the crowd; giving into shaming and coercion; lack of discernment; world-appeasing ways; willingness to compromise truth; fear of man; low or adversarial view of Scripture; etc.
Machiavellianists: Those who believe and live by the maxim that “the end justifies the means.”
Self-Defeating Judgers: Those who judge others for judging. They wrongly judge that judging is wrong, and then, to make this far worse, they judge and condemn others for judging (cp. Matt 3:7ff; Jn 7:24; Acts 17:11). This includes those who are really bad when it comes to making judgments of others or about truth and error in general.
Word-Twisters: Those who frequently distort God’s Word, as well as the words of others. They often do this to fit a pre-existing belief or agenda, to deceive people, and to evade the truth (e.g., 2 Pet 3:16-17; Gen 3:1ff; Matt 4:1ff; 2 Tim 2:15ff; 3:13; Eph 4:14; 2 Cor 11:3-4, 13-15).

QUESTIONS TO PONDER

Which of the above, if any, are absolute deal breakers for you?
Which of these might you put up with once or twice, and then break things off? Why these over other things?
For personal growth and to better love God and others, note that the opposite of all the above reveal what is right and loving, and amazing opportunities for growth. We should seek to personally learn from and grow in each area. Which ones are your greatest strengths? Which areas do you need to grow the most in? How can you help others in these?

7 PRINCIPLES TO KEEP IN MIND

Christians have a supreme calling to love God and others—and to always love according to the truth of God’s Word, to turn others away from sin and error and toward the truth (e.g., Jas 5:19-20; 2 Tim 2:24-26; Ps 51:12; Dan 12:3)—yet there will always be those who are not really interested in the truth, reasonable dialogue, or repentance (Jn 3:19-21; Rom 1:21ff; 2 Cor 2:15-16; Ti 3:9-11; 1 Jn 1:5-10).
Always examine yourself and the fruit in your life to see to what degree any of the above apply to you (Ps 19:12-14; 139:23-24; Matt 7:1-5; 2 Cor 13:5).
Receive correction well, but always make sure the correction is correct, according to the correct standard (Acts 17:11; Is 8:19-20; Ps 1:1-3; Col 2:8).
Own what you should. If another person is rude in confronting you, and inaccurate in many areas, but correct on X% of their information, then own and apply the X% truth—even if you have to cut off communication due to their harmful and sinful behavior.
Be exceedingly wise and cautious in the judgments you make of others, and be quick to confess and repent of any false accusations and any wrongdoing
Don’t misuse the above realities in an attempt to avoid dealing with legitimate challenges from others (this, too, is a false judgment).
We can and should give correction to others; and we can, and sometimes should be, pointed in our discussions. While we always want to be loving in how we do it, there are times when it is necessary and loving to “rebuke” others (e.g., 2 Tim 2:25-26; 4:1-5; Ti 1:9-13).

BEING UNLOVING BY ENABLING THE UNREASONABLE

Yes, there may be a time to talk with unreasonable individuals, at least for a while. Yet we all must make a decision—through discernment—about how to handle this dilemma, and if and when to cut off dialogue, or even lessen or end the relationships (e.g., “reject a divisive man”).

But avoid foolish disputes, genealogies, contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and useless. Reject a divisive man after the first and second admonition, knowing that such a person is warped and sinning, being self-condemned.
[ Titus 3:9-11 ]

In addition, we must also realize that by continuing to communicate with these harmful individuals—by giving them too much of our time, which might also add weight to their credibility in their own eyes and the eyes of others—we are likely enabling them and their sin, folly, and error. When this happens, then we are guilty of enabling and empowering the destruction that comes from their wicked ways.

Furthermore, if we continue to engage with them then, at some point, not only are we guilty of a serious sin (e.g., enabling evil), we are also neglecting those who may be open to the truth. In other words, we have a loving responsibility to walk away from harmful people who are not genuinely interested in the truth and to, instead, invest in those who might have a real desire. Paul and Barnabas knew this all too well, and they responded in wisdom, love, and obedience to God:

When the Jews saw the crowds, they were filled with jealousy. They began to contradict what Paul was saying and heaped abuse on him. Then Paul and Barnabas answered them boldly: “We had to speak the word of God to you first. Since you reject it and do not consider yourselves worthy of eternal life, we now turn to the Gentiles.”
[ Acts 13:45-46 ]

One of the main reasons why dialogue has gotten so out of control, so harmful, if not downright evil, is there seems to be fewer consequences for this ugly and hurtful behavior (e.g., Prov 19:19; Ecc 8:11). So, by not standing up to it, by not confronting and exposing these harmful tactics, and by continuing to engage with them, we are likely guilty of “enabling” this evil and harm (cp. Eph 5:8-11). Therefore, we all have a solemn responsibility to make changes, including cutting off communication where needed (Matt 7:6).

THE RIGHT & LOVING WAYS

In addition to increasingly putting our hope in God, His Word, and His love, we want to focus on and fulfill all that we are called to do, and can do, according to God’s ways.

Always love others with the truth, especially in your communication (1 Cor 13:6; Eph 4:15; 1 Jn 3:18), this includes those who are in error, and with whom you disagree (2 Tim 2:23-26; Jas 5:19-20)
Seek to fully grasp how harmful and against God and His ways it is to be like the world (e.g., having world-approved theology); and then truly confess and repent where need be (e.g., Rom 12:2; Jas 1:27; 4:4; 1 Jn 2:15-17; 4:5-6)
Actively, ardently, and lovingly discern truth from error, according to an unchanging standard (Acts 17:11; Is 8:19-20; Phil 1:9-11; Heb 5:14; 1 Kgs 3:9)
Wisely and lovingly discern when it is time to cut off dialogue with unreasonable people (e.g., Matt 7:6; Prov 9:7-8; Ti 3:8-11)
Seek out those who are reasonable, those who not only have a love for the truth, and for God and His Word, but who seek all of these things with the right heart (cp. 2 Tim 2:22; Acts 13:46; Ps 19:7-14; 1 Cor 13:6)
Never let someone shame you or coerce you into silence (cp. 1 Kgs 22)
Aways think for yourself. Always avoid Groupthink and Echo-Chambers, especially those which are totalitarian in nature (cp. 1 Kgs 22)
Be wise and loving in dealing with toxic people (engaging them could lead to empowering their destructive ways), and feel free to cut off dialogue when it becomes shame-based and sinful (Prov 22:10; Matt 7:6)

Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.
[ 2 Timothy 2:22-26 ]

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